With IVF, early news is not usually good news. So when I started bleeding on Sunday, I immediately thought it was over. I called my doctor Monday to let him know that I was bleeding so I could get the go ahead to stop taking progesterone. He sent me for a blood test the next morning to confirm the non-pregnancy before allowing me to stop medication.
In the meantime, I began exercising hard again, and started to try dealing with the emotions of everything. Adrian was out of town through all of this, so I tried to push any major emotions aside so that I could wait and deal with it when he was with me again. I was actually somewhat successful.
Tuesday afternoon the nurse called me back to let me know that the blood test came back positive. What? You can imagine that my mind was full of every possible emotion. She suggested that the bleeding was either from:
a. A chemical pregnancy. This means that the embryo begins to attach, but for some reason doesn't stick. The hormone of the pregnancy gets into my blood, but I am not actually pregnant. This is the most likely scenario.
or
b. Two embryos started to implant and one of them didn't stick, thus the bleeding.
I must now wait until Thursday for another blood test. The results will let us know (or give us a better idea) of what is going on. These past few days have been a roller coaster of emotions. Today I am feeling pretty strongly that I am not pregnant, but there is still a glimmer of hope left in me. My biggest fear is that they will tell me it's an ectopic pregnancy. I'm praying hard that's not the case.
I have surprisingly also felt a great deal of peace during these past few days. A scripture keeps coming to my mind, over and over.
"Be still, and know that I am God."
I've done my part and it is in His hands now. And I have faith that no matter the outcome, He knows what He is doing.
16 comments:
That is a great scripture. I have been thinking of you all week. I can't imagine the emotional roller coaster that you have been on. We will keep praying for you to be at peace no matter the outcome.
I'm sending positive thoughts your way and hoping for the best. There's nothing like stress and worry when you can't do anything or know anything for days!
I, too, have been thinking about you a lot. I know that, no matter what, things will turn out the way that they are supposed to. I hope that it turns out for the better though!
Oh Nat, I so hope that only good news comes your way this week. What a hard time it must be for you waiting, I wish I was closer so I could take you out for lunch and distract you with other things. You've been on my mind all week and I hope and pray only the best for you guys, and that no matter what happens that your feeling of peace will continue. xo
ntYou are amazing. Really. Your strength, steadiness, and faith are remarkable.
I love you and pray for you every day.
I am amazed by your faith and strength through this. We hope it is the second situation, and one did implant. Either way, we are praying for you.
Praying for you. Thanks for your faith and example.
Oh Natalie!! And here we were all at your house on Monday night while you were going through that!! I'm so sorry you have had a rollercoaster of emotions and news. I am so hoping it is scenerio #2. We will keep praying...
I have been thinking of you often and remember you in my prayers. I wish it would be easier for you...will keep praying that you feel hopeful and feel the strength and peace that only He can give.
Praying for you!
Thinking about you lots, and praying for you! Love you girl!
let's hope it is b.
I just read this again, and I love the last line. So beautiful.
Thinking of you today.
I can't believe the strength you have going through this & especially without Adrian. I'm hoping/praying for you dear friend!
Well, I'm back now!
We fine out in the next 2 hours...
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