(Funeral details at the bottom of the page)
Nine months ago my mother learned the news that her cancer had returned. It had spread all throughout her body and the doctors gave her around 2 to 3 years to live. But my Mom would beat those odds. She was healthy, she was generous and she deserved to have more life than that. She started out Chemo with such a fabulous attitude. Once a week she would arrive at to get infused with the toxic drug dressed to the nines. She didn't ask for company, she just had a goal to get through the first 6 months so that she could take a month or two off from chemo to enjoy the cruise with her family through the Panama Canal.
Then Mom's first set-back came in September when she had a reaction to one of the chemo drugs and had to switch and try something new. The new drugs were not effective and a month later Mom learned her second piece of bad news, much of the progress of the first few months had been lost and her tumor markets had gone up instead of down. This was a major blow because it meant that she wouldn't get a break from chemo- she would have to keep trying different chemo drugs to see if something would fight back the cancer.
The third drug that my Mom tried created more trials for my Mom. It's symptoms were almost worse than the cancer itself. She developed sores inside of her mouth, and her hands and feet dried out, cracked and were bleeding. Every night my Dad would rub lotion into her feet to help ease the pain, but there wasn't anything we could do for the sores in her mouth. It was painful to eat, and that, combined with the reduced energy from the cancer growing in her liver, kept her from eating more than a few bites of food each day for her last couple of months.
Perhaps the biggest trial for my Mom is that from the day she was diagnosed, she didn't have energy to do much. For the first few months she would get up, get ready for the day and then have a couple of hours of energy. Each month and week her energy level decreased until the last couple of weeks she didn't have the strength to climb the stairs to her bedroom.
We knew she didn't have a lot of time left, but last week my Mom said that she wanted to go on the cruise more than anything else. My wife helped her pack, and literally had to do all the packing for her. She packed almost all of her jewelry. That was just like my mom, prepared to be dressed to the nines even though she could hardly stand.
I've shared what happened on the cruise and you can see that account here:
http://thedaytonupdate.blogspot.com/2010/12/update-on-cruise-that-ended-before-it.html
http://thedaytonupdate.blogspot.com/2010/12/susan-dayton-mom-update.html
and my brother Damian's account here:
http://gladhanded.blogspot.com/
The purpose of this post is to share Mom's final moments on this earth. My Dad and I slept right next to her bed and woke up each hour all through the night to check her vital signs. It was pretty emotional, we knew this was it for her. She made it through almost the entire night, then this morning, the 30th of December, 2010 just after 7:00am her blood oxygen level dropped from 85 to 50 and we knew it was near the end. I called my other brothers as Cameron joined my Dad and me around Mom's bed and watched as she quickly passed away. She didn't say anything or seem to feel too much pain. Finally the monitor showed her heart had stopped. The entire episode took no more than two minutes. It was very tearful watching her slip away, and it was a very emotional morning, but we are so relieved that her suffering is finally over and that she can rejoin her loved ones on the other side.
Please come join us to celebrate her memory.
Funeral and Memorial Details
Viewing will be Monday, January 3rd, 2011 from 6-9pm at the Cottonwood Stake Center located at 1816 East 6400 South in Salt Lake City.
Funeral will be the next day at 12:00 Noon at the same location. There will also be a viewing before the funeral from 10:00am to 11:30am.
There will be a memorial held in Amherst, New York on the 15th of January, 2011 at the Stake Center. Details will be forthcoming.
Nine months ago my mother learned the news that her cancer had returned. It had spread all throughout her body and the doctors gave her around 2 to 3 years to live. But my Mom would beat those odds. She was healthy, she was generous and she deserved to have more life than that. She started out Chemo with such a fabulous attitude. Once a week she would arrive at to get infused with the toxic drug dressed to the nines. She didn't ask for company, she just had a goal to get through the first 6 months so that she could take a month or two off from chemo to enjoy the cruise with her family through the Panama Canal.
Then Mom's first set-back came in September when she had a reaction to one of the chemo drugs and had to switch and try something new. The new drugs were not effective and a month later Mom learned her second piece of bad news, much of the progress of the first few months had been lost and her tumor markets had gone up instead of down. This was a major blow because it meant that she wouldn't get a break from chemo- she would have to keep trying different chemo drugs to see if something would fight back the cancer.
The third drug that my Mom tried created more trials for my Mom. It's symptoms were almost worse than the cancer itself. She developed sores inside of her mouth, and her hands and feet dried out, cracked and were bleeding. Every night my Dad would rub lotion into her feet to help ease the pain, but there wasn't anything we could do for the sores in her mouth. It was painful to eat, and that, combined with the reduced energy from the cancer growing in her liver, kept her from eating more than a few bites of food each day for her last couple of months.
Perhaps the biggest trial for my Mom is that from the day she was diagnosed, she didn't have energy to do much. For the first few months she would get up, get ready for the day and then have a couple of hours of energy. Each month and week her energy level decreased until the last couple of weeks she didn't have the strength to climb the stairs to her bedroom.
We knew she didn't have a lot of time left, but last week my Mom said that she wanted to go on the cruise more than anything else. My wife helped her pack, and literally had to do all the packing for her. She packed almost all of her jewelry. That was just like my mom, prepared to be dressed to the nines even though she could hardly stand.
I've shared what happened on the cruise and you can see that account here:
http://thedaytonupdate.blogspot.com/2010/12/update-on-cruise-that-ended-before-it.html
http://thedaytonupdate.blogspot.com/2010/12/susan-dayton-mom-update.html
and my brother Damian's account here:
http://gladhanded.blogspot.com/
The purpose of this post is to share Mom's final moments on this earth. My Dad and I slept right next to her bed and woke up each hour all through the night to check her vital signs. It was pretty emotional, we knew this was it for her. She made it through almost the entire night, then this morning, the 30th of December, 2010 just after 7:00am her blood oxygen level dropped from 85 to 50 and we knew it was near the end. I called my other brothers as Cameron joined my Dad and me around Mom's bed and watched as she quickly passed away. She didn't say anything or seem to feel too much pain. Finally the monitor showed her heart had stopped. The entire episode took no more than two minutes. It was very tearful watching her slip away, and it was a very emotional morning, but we are so relieved that her suffering is finally over and that she can rejoin her loved ones on the other side.
Please come join us to celebrate her memory.
Funeral and Memorial Details
Viewing will be Monday, January 3rd, 2011 from 6-9pm at the Cottonwood Stake Center located at 1816 East 6400 South in Salt Lake City.
Funeral will be the next day at 12:00 Noon at the same location. There will also be a viewing before the funeral from 10:00am to 11:30am.
There will be a memorial held in Amherst, New York on the 15th of January, 2011 at the Stake Center. Details will be forthcoming.
Flowers can be sent to:
Jenkins-Soffe Funeral Chapels
4760 South State Street
Murray, Utah 84107
if you would rather make a donation to one of my Mom's favorite charities, feel free to donate to the World Wide Organization of Women where Susan served as president until just after she got sick.
16 comments:
She was a beautiful woman in every way. She made a huge impact in the world.
We love you guys and are praying for you.
I'm so sorry to hear of this news. She was an amazing woman! We're thinking of you and your family!
Adrian, Thank you for the beautiful way you have chronicled your mother's last few months on earth and kept those who love her informed. I appreciate it. It was a great comfort to your mom to have you and Natalie close to her, doing so much to help her in Buffalo.
I'm glad to see that you are using the Jenkins-Soffe Mortuary. Their South Jordan location did a wonderful job for us when my father passed away last April.
Adrian - my goodness I love your mom and your family. Reading your and Damian's accounts brought back many memories of my dad's last 2 months. Thank you for taking the time to share them with those who love and honor your mom. Love you.
Nancy Schultz called me 2 hours ago and I am still in a shock. Quite simply, Susan is one of the finest and best daughters that Heavenly Father ever had on this earth. I have known her for 39 years and consider myself fortunate to have associated with her and Merrill during my early years in the Church. I never knew Susan to be anything but a good and positive influence to all around her. I've been there Merrill. Eventually the pain almost goes away. Rick Ingram
Natalie and Adrian,
She was such a wonderful lady and both of your parents have been an inspiration to us during the short time we've known them. Our prayers will continue to be with you and your family as this is not an easy thing to go through. Please give your dad another hug from us. Jan and John West
We are all soo sorry to hear about Susan. Since finding out on Thurs. afternoon we have done nothing but talk about and pray for you all and needless to say cry alot over Susan's passing. We know all too well what you're going through as we are still trying to cope with my dad's passing in May. We hope to be able to be there for you and your family as you have all been there for us. Our thoughts and prayers continue with you all.
Betzy
Your Mom was such an amazing woman! Somehow I missed the chance to meet her in person, but I feel like I know so much about her through all the family blog posts. She will definitely be missed by all she impacted in her life. Our thoughts are with you guys!
Adrian -- thank you for sharing those precious moments of your family's with the rest of us at this tender time. It brought back all the memories we had of saying goodbye to our Dad ten years ago. The Lord's tender mercies are evident and He is well aware of the family your mom has left behind. I remember something your Dad shared with us ten years ago -- there's no way our Dad would miss out on all the important events in our lives like baby blessings, baptisms, weddings, and even some of the other experiences that bring us joy. He will be there. And you know what? Your Dad was right. Your Mom will be there and she will have a great vantage point to see things. I loved your Mom, and you five boys and her grandchildren will carry on her great legacy. Much love to your family. Kim Teichert Parker
We've been thinking about you guys... sending our love and condolences.
Mark, Kathryn, and Ila
This poem reminds me of my wonderful friend, Susan. Merril and her sons were her life:
MOTHER
For those lucky to still be blessed with your Mom,
this is beautiful. For those of us who aren't, this is
even more beautiful. For those who are moms, you'll love this.
The young mother set her foot on the path of life. "Is
this the long way?" she asked. And the guide said:
"Yes, and the way is hard.
And you will be ill before you reach the end of it... But
the end will be better than the beginning."
But the young mother was happy, and she would not
believe that anything could be better than these years. So she
played with her children, and gathered flowers for
them along the way, and bathed them in the clear streams; and
the sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried,
"Nothing will ever be lovelier than this."
Then the night came, and the storm, and the path was
dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother
drew them close and covered them with her mantle, and the children said,
"Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come."
And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and
the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary.
But at all times she said to the children," A little patience and we are there."
So the children climbed, and when they reached the top
they said, "Mother, we would not have done it without you"
And the mother, when she lay down at night looked up
at the stars and said, "This is a better day than the last, for my
children have learned fortitude in the face of hardness. Yesterday I gave them courage.
Today, I've given them strength."
And the next day came strange clouds which darkened
the earth, clouds of war and hate and evil, and the children groped
and stumbled, and the mother said: "Look up. Lift your eyes to the light.
" And the children looked and saw above the clouds
an everlasting glory, and it guided the m beyond the
darkness. And that night the Mother said,
"This is the best day of all, for
I have shown my children God."
And the days went on, and the weeks and the months and
the years, and the mother was little and bent.
But her children were tall and strong, and walked with
courage. And when the way was rough, they lifted her,
for she was as light as a feather; and a t last they came to a hill,
and beyond they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide. And
mother said, "I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the end
is better than the beginning, for my children can
walk alone, and their children after them."
And the children said, "You will always walk with us,
Mother, even when you have gone through the gates."
And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates
closed after her. And they said: "We cannot see her
but she is with us still. A Mother like ours is more than a memory. She
is a living presence......."
Your Mother is always with you... She' s the whisper
of the leaves as you walk down the street; she's the smell of bleach
in your freshly laundered socks; she's the cool hand
on your brow when you're not well. Your Mother lives
inside your laughter. And she's crystallized in every tear drop.
She's the place you came from, your first home; and
she's the map you follow with every step you take. She's your first love
and your first heartbreak, and nothing on earth can
separate you.
Not time, not space... not even death!
An absolutely beautiful, talented and exemplary woman! Susan will be GREATLY missed! Our thoughts nd prayers are with you all.
An absolutely beautiful, talented, and exemplary woman! Susan will be GREATLY missed! Sending thoughts and prayers for you all.
I'm so sorry to hear about this and want you to know that your family is in my thoughts and prayers!
-Kristi Chandler Burke
The services were so wonderful. We were thrilled we could be there and wish we could be at the memorial in Buffalo. Merril, you and your family are on our mind continually and we wish we could be there for you to help you get through this most difficult transition back to life without your beautiful love of your life next to you. Please know so many people including us are praying for you and hoping you will have comfort in your days, weeks, and months ahead. We love you, Paula and Wayne
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